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Constantine: A play of minds
15/05/09 || Kampfar
In the very year 306 AD, the Roman empire got its first ruler who enjoyed sucking off Christ whilst taken from behind by the remaining two of that infamous trio we wish we didn’t knew anything about. Surprisingly enough, this Constantine I’m on about later got “The Great” added to his name, just like Alexander, and it’s therefore safe to assume he did an excellent job despite being infected with the mental A.I.D.S. known as Christianity. Impressive. And, exactly 1700 years after the lions in Rome was denied anymore of that sweet Christian meat they so enjoyed, Constantine The Horrid was brought into the world. This happened in a Finnish town named Jyväskylä in the year 2006 AD.
Adding “The Horrid” to this band’s name was a bit of an exaggeration, but only if forgetting about the vocals. So not a scale-breaker this time around. Fuck me, the moment to talk about the not so delicious power metal at hand is here.
I downright despise said style, and not so because I feel a need to be manly and tough. Hell no, I just think of it as crap. All of it. But, despite me being too much of an evil troll to appreciate said style even when performed by its top acts I’ll, believe it or not, make an effort to help Constantine The Bland become a slightly less worse band in the future. Here goes.
Fire your vocalist. He’s shit, not anywhere near being the shit. Granted, he does an almost OK job now and then, hurray, only thing is, he sounds utterly piss when not sounding OK. Not just bland, properly crap as in pure and undiluted belly-laugh ignition. And he is in that modus for like 85% of the time. Be sure, I’m immensely grateful for the laughs but I’m quite sure the sought after response was an entirely different one. That’s exactly why it so fucking funny.
As already implied, the music beneath the lackluster vocals is a notch or five better. True, it’s really rather unimaginative and standard power metal we are dealing with, but, with regards from The Buttman, the guys responsible for the instrumentation at least show signs of genuine knowhow and skills. All the time, not in short bust like you know who. Again, I’m not by any means impressed with what I’m hearing, it’s only that the combined age of the 5 involved in this young and hopeful entity is below mine. And that’s reason why I ain’t harsh and mentally ill all over their faces.
So, a philanthropic act this.
Fuck ye all.
- Information
- Released: 2008
- Website: http://constantineband.net
- Band
- Lassi Vääränen: vocals
- Janne Seppänen: guitar
- Janne Korpela: guitar
- Antti Varjanne: bass
- Marko Möttönen: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Dream unmaker
- 02. The seers of the shadows
- 03. Death’s architect
